one might say we're banned from that church
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize