He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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