"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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