i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize