We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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