Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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