I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
