ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your cock deserves a montage
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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