were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
