Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
