I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
