I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
