I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
