Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
this is an emotional support booty call
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