it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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