I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
