I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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