I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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