so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
