is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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