I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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