Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
