soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
