so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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