You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
