I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
