I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
