I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will pee on everything he values.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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