I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
