I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
