You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
