First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
