Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
