I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
