Don't make out with my wife yet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
