Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
