Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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