There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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