Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
