So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
