That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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