i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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