Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
