yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sober January is a disaster.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
