Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
