Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
