She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize