So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Terrible idea I love it
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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