matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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