The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
