guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
