3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
