All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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