Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
