All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
