she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
