I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
