you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
