Tell her she can't have a vagina
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
