I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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