I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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