mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
