ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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