did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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