Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
