Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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