I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
