its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
