If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize