i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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