God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
