Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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