It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This is not my ceiling
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize