Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
