i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
