Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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