I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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