what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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