new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think your dad took our porno
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
