You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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