Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want nice things and good sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
