I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
