I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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