the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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