hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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