sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
