it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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