me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
