There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
