Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
