Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
