This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
