Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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