i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
someone owes me an orgasm
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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