My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
