I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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