awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
