the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize