I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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