my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
