Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
