So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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