i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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