can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
